When grief finds you

There’s no manual for dealing with grief. At times you might think you’ve found peace, that you’ve moved one after how many years, only for a song or a photograph to pull you back into the heartache.
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Grief is a quiet weight we all carry. It is a universal experience; one that touches every life in its own way. We lose a loved one, a friend, a mentor, a cherished companion or even a part of ourselves when life takes an unexpected turn. It can arise from the end of a relationship, a job or even the loss of a pet that was more like family.
But grief isn’t reserved just for funerals or final goodbyes. It’s the aching silence of an empty chair, the smell of a familiar perfume or that phone call you’ll never get to make.
Over 60 million people pass away every year. And for every life lost, countless others are left grappling with the void they leave behind.
There’s no manual for dealing with grief. Nothing prepares you for the way it lingers. It doesn’t fit neatly into a timeline or a checklist. At times you might think you’ve found peace, that you’ve moved one after how many years, only for a song or a photograph to pull you back into the heartache.
What grief feels like
Grief is heavy, and it takes its toll not just on your heart but on your body and mind. It can feel like a fog clouding every thought which makes even the simplest tasks impossible to do. Sleep becomes elusive. Exhaustion takes over. Some days, it’s sadness that floods in; other days, anger burns bright.
You’re not alone in this. Many people share these feelings but express them differently. According to Lifeline Australia, grief has many faces—it can be it in waves of tears, moments of numbness or bursts of frustration. Nothing wrong with all these, as these responses are simply part of the process.
But know that there’s more to grief than pain and guilt. Grief also transforms us. In one of his interviews, Andrew Garfield once described grief as “unexpressed love” as he talked about mourning the loss of his mom. The ache you feel is all the love you didn’t get to give, the conversations you didn’t get to have, the memories you didn’t get to make.
The 7 stages of grief
Grief is a deeply personal journey, one that defies structure yet often follows patterns. The concept of grief as a process was first introduced in the 1960s by American-Swiss psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. Her groundbreaking work outlined five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
But these stages are not linear; they ebb and flow. Over time, Kübler-Ross’s model expanded, stretching into seven stages that can help us understand the complex emotions we face.
1. Shock
The initial blow of loss can leave you numb or detached as your mind shields you from overwhelming emotions. It’s a brief pause before the reality sets in.
2. Denial
Denial isn’t disbelief—it’s your mind struggling to process absence. You might feel foggy, unfocused or sleepless as your heart begins to confront the truth.
3. Anger and Bargaining
Anger can feel misplaced, directed at yourself, others, or even a higher power. Bargaining follows, with desperate pleas for things to return to how they were, a way to regain control in chaos.
4. Depression
Sadness, isolation and anxiety take over as the reality of loss becomes clear. These heavy emotions are normal, but seeking support can help lighten the load.
5. The Upward Turn
Gradually, the sharp edges of pain soften. Clarity and calm moments emerge—not erasing the grief but making space for steadiness.
6. Reconstruction and Working Through
Piece by piece, you begin to rebuild your life. Grief remains, but you learn to carry it more lightly, allowing life to grow around it.
7. Acceptance and Hope
Acceptance is about coexisting with grief while creating space for hope and meaning. It’s a gradual process of adapting and finding joy in life again.
There’s no timeline for grief, no finish line to cross. Healing is deeply personal and varies from one person to the next.
When grief becomes too much
For some, grief evolves into something deeper. Signs it’s time to seek help include:
- Feeling unable to function in daily life.
- Withdrawing from friends, family or activities you once enjoyed.
- Persistent feelings of hopelessness or despair.
The Australian Centre for Grief and Bereavement notes that seeking professional help doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re taking a brave step toward healing.
Supporting someone who’s grieving
If someone you love is grieving, your presence can be the greatest gift:
- Listen more, speak less. Sometimes, all they need is someone to sit with them in silence.
- Avoid clichés. Phrases like “time heals all wounds” can feel dismissive. Instead, try, “I’m here for you, no matter what.”
- Offer practical help. Grieving can cloud someone’s ability to think clearly about what they need so don’t wait for them to ask. Offer specific ways to help them like making meals, running errands or helping with household tasks. These small, thoughtful gestures mean a lot.
Grief is a lonely journey, but you can walk beside someone and make them feel less alone.
Finding light in the darkness
As hard as it is to imagine, grief can lead to growth. Researchers call it post-traumatic growth—a process where people find strength, resilience and a renewed sense of purpose after loss. It doesn’t erase the pain, but it allows you to carry it differently.
Coping with grief is deeply personal, but small, intentional steps can help. Allow yourself to feel your emotions, lean on routines to create stability and talk to someone you trust. Whether it’s journaling, connecting with a support group or simply taking a walk, these small acts can help you move forward one step at a time.
Grief changes you, but it can also open your heart in unexpected ways. You may find yourself treasuring relationships more deeply, living more fully and discovering the quiet strength that was within you all along.
Let Leora walk beside you
You don’t have to face grief alone. Our team at Leora Healthcare is here to support you through every stage of your journey.
From compassionate counselling to instant help through Text a Therapist, our mental health services are tailored to meet your needs with care and understanding.
Reach out today and let us help lighten the load: https://leorahealth.com.au/contact-us-eap/